A Life of Dependence
I have been beyond blessed to have grown up in a Christian home with parents that love Jesus and represent what it looks like to live a life of full devotion. Throughout my childhood, our church was my second home, both figuratively and literally. My sisters and I spent many hours playing in church classrooms while my mom and dad led youth and children’s ministry meetings. Being at church so often, I could watch other adults, and even high school and college students, and see their love for Jesus. As a five-year-old, I was able to grasp an understanding of the fact that I was a sinner and in need of a savior, and I accepted Jesus’ free gift of salvation.
My walk with Jesus was a significant aspect of my life, but it didn’t become a lifeline until I was ten. My family moved from my childhood home in Michigan to Texas so my dad could attend Dallas Theological Seminary. This move involved a whole lot of unknowns and was extremely difficult since I loved getting to have control over my situation. We didn’t even know how long we would be in Texas or if we would go back to Michigan when seminary was over. Thankfully, God drew me closer to him in this season of seminary and unknowns and began to show me I could count on him and take my worries and concerns to him. I clung to Deuteronomy 31:8, which says,
“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.”
My family and I were blessed with many opportunities to see God move in pretty big ways throughout our journey and even until graduation in 2021.
Despite my dad being done with seminary and being pretty secure in Texas being home, God has still worked hard at my desire to have control. As I entered my junior year, my grades and academic performance were taken to a new level. For the first time, I received my class rank and was introduced to the concept of automatic acceptance into college. With a new means to further ensure a secure future, I put far too much of my identity into grades. I wasn’t prioritizing my relationship with God at all, and that led to a lot of fear and worry since I idolized academics. I got to the point where I was still doing all the right church things but not genuinely living life abiding in Christ. As I was in this season, I also had a few close friends move on. I couldn’t control their decisions and found myself trying to grasp for control over whatever I could, leaving me even further from the dependence God calls me to.
This summer, God opened my eyes to a whole lot of my broken thinking about control and worked on my heart understanding of Him rather than just head knowledge. He used a few different conversations and circumstances to help me understand just a fraction of how much I try to control rather than loosening my grip and relying on Him. Since then, God has been so present in how He intentionally has brought up situations to help me work on depending on Him completely. This semester I’ve had the opportunity to walk through re:generation for Students. It has been so good for me to understand how desperately I need God and have Scripture and truth to combat my pride, fear, and desire to control.
My life isn’t perfect and all put together, and as I process a decision for college, I often find myself fearful and worried. However, instead of just sitting in my fear and trying to figure out how to best control, I have started working on turning to Matthew 6:33, which says,
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these other things will be given to you.”
As I think through what it looks like to pursue God and become more like him, I can depend on the truth that He has a plan for the future figured out. When it comes to tangible ways I’ve gotten to live a life devoted to Christ, it’s been so sweet to serve and be a part of CityBridge. I absolutely love getting to be involved with our Preschool and Midweek ministries and play a role in introducing little ones to who Jesus is and how much he loves each of their precious hearts. It has also been incredible to be a part of our high school Lead Team and call other students to be the church of the now. Overall, my story is of God’s incredible faithfulness as He continues to love me well and work on my heart to make me even more like him.
