Joel and Rachel Warneking
Joel and Rachel Warneking’s Story
Hey guys, Joel Warneking here. I have a new life in Christ. Almost ten years ago now, I sat in a congregation similar to this one, like many of you today, just as I had for my entire life—even going to school for ministry and working inside of it. Yet I was stuck inside a cycle of isolation and shame that dominated my life.
Since the age of eight, I had spent almost two decades living a hidden life of pornography addiction and shame. I pleaded with God daily for freedom, yet never found what I desperately hoped for: freedom. Until one Sunday morning, in a setting much like this, a pastor preached a message on the dangers of a hidden life—specifically, the hidden life of pornography.
I'll never forget his words: "You will never be fully loved until you are fully known." That phrase struck me deeply. Battling addiction and shame, I realized that I had never been fully known by anyone and, therefore, not fully loved by anyone. My confession to God, without connection, repentance, and community, left me empty. I knew I was created to be loved but felt too ashamed to receive it—even from God.
That moment of conviction led me to initially disclose my struggles to Rachel, my wife of just 18 months. At the time, the community we were a part of didn't feel safe, so we isolated further and tried to manage the sin on our own. We didn't know how to navigate what was happening—no community, no recovery program, no pastoral support. It wasn't long before my compulsive behavior returned.
One day, while out riding my bike for exercise, the same compulsive triggers fired across my brain, lighting it up like a neon sign. I had found a new avenue for my addiction to the surface, and I participated in the act of indecent exposure. I told myself it was the last time, as addicts often do. But not long after, I was arrested for my actions.
My lifelong addiction to pornography resulted in the total collapse of my life: relationships, reputation, career, and future—all gone in an instant. Sin left in darkness always leads to death. That evening, sitting in a holding cell, numb from the terror of my world collapsing outside those walls, I heard a still, small voice whisper in the dark:
"Now you don't have to hide anymore. There's nothing left for you to fear. For I have known you, and I have loved you with an everlasting, never-ending, never-changing love. You are Mine. Now, you don't have to live in darkness anymore."
At that moment, for the first time, I was fully known. There were no more dark secrets waiting to be revealed. I was finally walking in the light and, for perhaps the first time, felt the true, deep, abiding, and perfect love of God. Later that night, Rachel picked me up, and I returned home to face the consequences of my actions.
Rachel's Reflection: Strength Through Brokenness
That night, the Lord impressed something powerful on my heart: "If you can love a man who is fully hidden, imagine how much you will love the man I make fully known." As a young newlywed, I leaned toward control, perfectionism, and image management. The fallout shattered my heart.
There were years of depression and grief as I carried the story and lived through the consequences of sin. Yet, God's promises in James 1:2-4 and 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 anchored my soul, and I came to rely on Christ as a result. Today, Joel is a new man—an amazing father, husband, and leader. He's free in both mind and heart, consistently sober, and passionately mentors others to turn away from sin.
As for me, I am not the same person I once was—and praise God for that. I rely on the good news of the gospel: that by grace through faith, we have freedom in Christ. The Lord has turned our greatest pain into a message. I now spend my days helping women walk through betrayal trauma, advocating for marriages, and guiding others through healing.
A Community of Redemption
Well, I hope you heard Joel say something that's really important: you can't be fully loved until you're fully known. At City Bridge, we talk a lot about the high call to follow Jesus. But it's also a safe place—no matter what you've done last night, last week, or ten years ago.
If you hear part of your story in Joel or Rachel's today, know that this is the day to raise your hand and let someone hear your story. Whether you're stuck in patterns of sin or have been wounded by others, we long to be a church that cares for one another. Together, we walk in the hope and freedom we have in Christ.
