Chris and Celin Baird
Chris: My name is Chris, and this is my beautiful bride, Celin. We have been married for 11 years and are a blended family with one daughter. We are delighted to share with you the story of God’s continued work in our lives and marriage.
Some mutual friends introduced me to Celin, and I immediately saw how different she was from other people. She knew her value in Christ, and she demonstrated genuine, sacrificial love for others. I knew God had captured her heart and I intentionally pursued her with hopes of marriage. Celin wanted to date “the seasons” or, put another way, a full calendar year. But after 11 months, we were joyfully married in October 2013. However, during our Honeymoon, the sexual abuse I experienced as a child surfaced and began causing problems.
Celin: While I was aware of Chris’s abuse, I did not realize how much of an impact it would have on our sexual intimacy. Upon our return from the honeymoon, I encouraged Chris to attend MENd, a ministry for men who experienced childhood sexual abuse.
This time was challenging for both of us; my husband was hurting, and my insecurities were heightened. This was out of my element, and I didn’t know how to help. So, I sought counsel from other wives who were in the same situation. We’ve come a long way in this area since our honeymoon; there has been healing and freedom from old wounds. Over the next couple of years, things were good. We got along and enjoyed spending time with one another. Little did I know the turmoil Chris was hiding and the hidden burdens he was carrying.
Chris: For over four years, I studied and memorized God’s Word. I jumped into men’s bible studies and also served. However, my time spent playing church did not make me a believer or follower of Christ, just a smarter sinner. In 2016, Celin and I started attending re|engage. The night we received our workbooks, I eagerly skimmed the pages to see what was coming up. I stopped flipping the pages, and my heart raced as I anxiously read Chapter 6: Forgiveness in Action. God had sovereignly provided an opportunity and safe place to break free from the grip of sin. For the first time, I genuinely acknowledged my need for a savior and accepted Jesus' free gift of salvation. I sat with Celin as we talked about Chapter 6 of our re|engage homework. I confessed to her my addiction to pornography, patrolling dating websites, lust for women and material possessions, along with the lies covering up my depravity. It was in this moment that I finally trusted in Christ and moved toward him in belief and action.
Celin: After Chris’s confession, I felt like a bus hit me. Knowing Chris’s background, I kept asking him all the normal questions one asks during dating “Do you struggle with porn?” “Are you addicted to alcohol?” “Do you have any anger issues?” and he kept saying no. So, when he confessed, my heart was shattered; I felt betrayed and lied to, and my trust was broken. Mind you, he confessed just a couple of hours before going to re|engage. I was still in shock with the news when we showed up and didn’t have any idea what was going to come out of my mouth during closed group. During our time, he shared how he put forgiveness into action by confessing. I was quiet at the time as I was still processing all the info I received. The next several days, weeks, and months were hard. I did not kick Chris out of the house or bedroom; that would have been too easy for him. I wanted him to hear me cry myself to sleep so he, too, could feel the pain along with me. We needed to sit in the mess and feel the pain before any healing could occur.
Looking back, the Lord had been preparing me for this storm. While serving in re:generation, I walked with a few ladies on the topic of forgiveness after betrayal. God reminded me that forgiveness is not a feeling but an act of the will – a choice. Eph. 4:32 states,
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
He showed me that forgiveness isn’t about fairness. One Saturday morning, the Lord took me to the book of Hosea. It’s about the life of Hosea and Gomer, which is symbolic of the relationship between God and his people. Hosea repeatedly paid for and took Gomer back, despite her rebellion and ongoing adultery. I, too, have been bought for a price and redeemed through the blood of Christ so I can be reconciled and forgiven by our heavenly Father, despite my rebellion.
I vividly remember Hosea 2:14-15a speaking to me.
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her back her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.”
The Lord was leading me into the wilderness, speaking tenderly to me and reminding me that someday he would give me back a vineyard – a resurrected marriage. He was providing hope.
After some time of, sitting in the mess, praying, journaling, and seeking Biblical counsel, I was able to forgive Chris. Trust, on the other hand, took some time to restore. Even though Chris has found freedom in the areas of pornography and lust, at times, I needed to remind myself to take my thoughts captive and think the best of him.
Chris: I now had a new life in Christ. My sins were confessed and forgiven by the Lord. I was thankful for this incredible new freedom and spiritual celebration in my life. God loved me so much that even in my filthiest and unlovable condition, he sent his son, Jesus, to die for my sins. Jesus’ sacrifice ensured that my eternal salvation had been secured. In His goodness, the Lord removed the wicked desires that had enslaved me for years; Hooray for me, right? Well, yes, but what about the horrific destruction I had just inflicted on my wife? It was not fair that, as God made me a new creation, my wife was left betrayed, confused, and in shock at the smoldering ashes of our marriage. While dating, Celin had done everything possible to protect herself from this pain. She guarded her heart, asked me tough questions, and prayed for God to direct her steps. It was not fair that I had so ruthlessly deceived her with my lies and selfishly cheated her out of my full devotion. My heart was heavy with sorrow as I grieved over the reality of my transgressions and mourned the pain I caused my wife. Thankfully, God does not waste anything and used this season to draw Celin and me to him. Through His Word and people, God’s loving touch and healing power carefully pieced back together the tender heart I had shattered. My wife of noble character gracefully extended me forgiveness of my sins against her. In me, He produced a desire to seek his ways and to bear fruit in keeping with repentance. Both of us were encouraged and, at times, lovingly sharpened by God’s people. God did not refuse the offering of our broken and contrite hearts as he sovereignly restored our marriage.
Celin: In reading Ezekiel 36:25-27, there are several aspects of God’s New Covenant: a new heart, a new spirit, the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and true holiness. Because of our renewed hearts and spirits, Chris and I made a new covenant in the Fall of 2017.
Our marriage is not perfect, and neither are we. Daily, we have to slow down, think the best of one another, and continue working on our communication as we seek to understand each other. We have learned that hard times are good opportunities to sit with God while He works in us. The Lord has been faithful to lead us through the wilderness, where it’s unsafe, and reveal that He is our safe place. When we cry out to God, He takes the bitter circumstances and sweetens them. God can be trusted to lead us to His perfect place by His perfect route in His perfect time.
I’m Chris, and I’m Celin. Thank you for letting us share.
