More Than Just "Being Good"

For my whole life I was raised in a Christian household, I knew Jesus loved me. I grew up knowing all of the bible stories, the truths of the bible filled my mind. I had a saving faith. I lived my life telling people I was a Christian, but the only way that it manifested in the way I lived, was doing all of the "right" things, elementary rules that we all get taught as children.

I most frequently fell short of God's perfect standard because my heart was hard towards correction and admonishment, I thought I could do things on my own. This led to a development of pride that would not allow me to be wrong in arguments or my actions. I would ferociously defend anything I did, even if I knew deep down that I had messed up. I believed I was better than everyone else and had the right to look down upon them because of their shortcomings, even though I was deeply sinful as well. Anger and self-dependence filled my spirit, and there wasn't much room left for God. I forgot the powerful truth of a simple verse that I memorized so long ago, I don't remember when I did it; it was Romans 3:23,

“for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”

I forgot that I was a sinner too, because my sin did not show in such physical ways as the people around me, even though my sin might have even been more damaging to my life and relationships with others, than their struggles. As I got older, my sin patterns only got deeper and wider. In addition to being prideful and judgemental, I began to feel insecure and sought the approval of people around me. I put my value in what other people thought of me, how they laughed at my jokes, that kept getting dirtier, and their opinion of the clothes I wore, that kept getting more expensive. I lived an exhausting lifestyle that never fulfilled me because I tried to find purpose, value, satisfaction, safety, life, protection, and confidence in something that would only lead to death.

The only people in this world that could have a chance at showing me real peace was my small group, but I didn't allow them to give me the gift of community because I was pleading for their acceptance as well. There was a great divide between the way that I thoughts, my motivations, and the way that I acted in appearance to other people.

Out of the motivation from a church weekend event more than a year ago, I decided that I was going to start reading my bible again. I always knew that I was supposed to, but it was one of those "rules" in the bible that was just more annoying to follow. Out of my sinful "check the box" lifestyle that led me to read the bible again, God began to bring me to him. I realized that after less than a week of reading the bible, I was not living the way that God called me to. While listening to a talk in a high school ministry on a Sunday night, God showed me that I was not finding my value in him, but in what other people thought of me. When called to leave that lifestyle behind, I felt paralyzing fear when I thought about living for God instead of Man. I could not imagine a life where I did not care what others thought. My sin was so deeply entrenched in my life that I could not bear living without it.

A change in my soul had to start with loving God more. I could not change my heart and actions, I had to let myself be open to God, truly confess and take account of all my ditches and sin struggles I kept running back to, then he would change me himself. I prayerfully sought a mindset that praised God in everything I did, not just the songs I sang on Sundays. When I had a God-centered heart, my actions began to change, and I did things for God instead of for my own benefit, or the approval of others, and I found that living for God was so much richer than the sins I previously desired. There are days when I relapse when it gets hard, I forget God's perfect promises that drew me to him in the first place because of my imperfect, sinful nature, but God is always there, and when I turn back around, he still loves me the same. My 180-degree turn-around in the midst of a deeply broken lifestyle reminded me of another simple verse, Romans 5:8

“for God demonstrates his great love for us in this, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Christ died for us before we were even born, not after we cleaned up our act. He wants a relationship with us now and he is ready to change your heart. Now that I truly live for Christ, I want nothing more than to share this intense feeling with others.

I thought being a Christian was boring in the past, and I was right for thinking that from the place that I was. Following rules and "being good" does not have the same rewards as acting righteously from a heart of worship because of a desire to respond to a God that won't stop loving me. Having a real, two-way relationship with God gives me more value, acceptance, purpose, and love than anything the world has to offer, and especially more than just being good.

Nothing keeps me close to God more than my community that I have now allowed to be effective in my life. Hearing a God-centered view on what I am struggling with in my life every week, keeps me accountable and motivated to keep praising Jesus every day.

The last verse that I have is the verse that gives me courage and hope when my circumstances are tough or going smoothly, John 16:33 says,

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Jesus has overcome the world, we have already won, even if it feels like we are fighting a losing battle. It is not an unfounded fear that you will be rejected to some degree for living for Christ, but the thing is, if you are really living for God, their rejection does not matter anymore. Your value is not found there. We have something the world can never compete with, and my heart burns to show others what God can truly do to their life.