Bradley and Amber Kreceman
Amber: Bradley and I started our relationship back in engineering school at the University of Tennessee. Our first date felt so natural, and we ended up talking for hours. I really didn't think he was interested in me until the end of our date when he made it clear he wanted to see me again (our first kiss). Our relationship escalated quickly physically and emotionally, but I knew pretty quickly that if marriage was in the cards for me, it was with this guy right here.
Over the next year, we continued dating. Bradley joined my co-ed college community group, and though we were making the steps and having the conversations to glorify God in our relationship, we continually fell to sin. With my history of failed relationships, I was riddled with anxiety and insecurity that Bradley would eventually recognize he could do better and end the relationship. Despite the sin and insecurity, Bradley proposed a year into dating. Knowing both of our backgrounds were filled with failed marriages and with the wise counsel of those around us, we immediately sought a biblical pre-marital counselor and started the equivalent of Merge, CityBridge's class for seriously dating and engaged couples. We always knew struggles would come in our relationship, but I wasn't expecting them in our engagement.
Bradley: Like Amber said, the first day we met we talked for hours. I could tell from the few hours we spent together that this woman was different. She was beautiful and mature, and she was the presence that I wanted to keep being around. We both knew early on in the relationship that this was leading to marriage. I joined Amber's community group at church but felt like I was just checking boxes to better our relationship and get her family's approval.
I wasn't authentic with anyone and wasn't looking for deep community with the other guys in the group. Throughout our first year of dating, Amber would drop hints that she was ready to be engaged. Close to our one-year anniversary, I was feeling immense pressure to propose, and despite my trepidation, I did. During our engagement, I began having relationships with other women to regain a sense of control over my life. I went on a few dates behind Amber's back and was starting to distance myself from her emotionally. All of this culminated in Amber seeing text messages with those other women. I felt scared to lose Amber, nervous about what the future held, embarrassed because wedding planning was underway, and the guilt and shame I had felt for months only intensified.
Very quickly, we saw our pre-marital counselor and discussed steps to move toward forgiveness and reconciliation. We prayed together. I confessed all of my sins and sought Amber's forgiveness. I wasn't expecting her forgiveness and fully anticipated our relationship ending. This was the turning moment for our relationship, and more importantly, my relationship with Jesus.
We broke off our engagement to focus on reconciliation, and I deleted my social media accounts to prevent future temptations. We really dove into the college ministry and community group as a couple. I allowed myself to open up to accountability by other guys. For the first time in my life, my spiritual well-being and a relationship with Jesus were important to me.
Jeremiah 17:7 says,
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord whose confidence is in Him.”
Amber: I remember that day so clearly. As Bradley was seeking my forgiveness and seeing the shame across his face, all I could think of was the countless times I would cry out to the Lord, seeking my own forgiveness and the shame that haunted me from my own sin. God's direction was loud and clear: I was to forgive and reconcile with Bradley. The Lord used the next year during our reconciliation to form my identity in Him and not in my relationship with Bradley.
I would, and still do daily, repeat to myself that I do not need this man despite my endless love for him; the only love I need is from Christ. We worked diligently in making our relationship Christ-centered at the foundation, surrounding ourselves with accountability, working on communication, keeping short accounts, and coming to one another immediately in need of forgiveness. It is truly hard to remember our relationship prior to this point because of the transformation God made in both of our lives.
Romans 8:34 says,
“Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died – more than that, who was raised – who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.”
Bradley: We would both graduate and get married to start our new chapter together – moving every 8 months for the next two years in a fifth wheel. Those first two years of marriage are hard for anyone, but doing it in 400 sq feet was a challenge! All kidding aside, what truly was difficult and left the biggest hole in our marriage was leaving the biblical community of home. Though we made diligent efforts to join a community group and attend churches in our short stints across the country, it wasn't until we came to Dallas that we knew we could start planting some roots. We had been attending various churches in our first year in Texas, but it wouldn't be until after the birth of our first daughter that the marriage sirens were going off – it was a big life change, and our marriage wasn't keeping up. Thankfully, with the foundation we worked so hard to build in our engagement, we knew we needed help, and we needed it fast before things got worse. We found Re-Engage, and that led us to CityBridge. Having your first child is always difficult, but we found it harder without biblical community or being fed through a church. Though we had heard about ReEngage prior and thought it would be good to experience, we didn't make the decision to start attending until about two months after our daughter was born. Neither one of us felt like our opinions and thoughts were being heard by the other, and we were quick to blame one another. The exhaustion left us impatient and short-tempered. God took that time to re-engage to refresh us in good ways to communicate, to stay in our circles, and try to fix everything in it. He gave us more patience for each other, brought us back to keeping short accounts, and was quick to seek forgiveness.
Amber: The Lord took that time to remind us how desperately we need Christ in our relationship and the power of biblical community. After we finished ReEngage, we became members of CityBridge, found community, and, with the desire to continue to hold our marriage accountable, we started serving across the marriage ministries. Three kids later, our marriage is far from perfect. We've found ourselves continually needing support in various major life stages and big decision-making, but with the help of our community group and mentors here at CityBridge and outside counseling for a season, we continue to keep Jesus at our center, are quick to humble ourselves to own our parts and forgive each other. The hope and encouragement that we hope to leave you with is that all sin can be forgiven, and you can truly find reconciliation only through Jesus at any stage of your relationship.
Bradley: We are really excited about this HOME curriculum. A lot of Godly marriages and people were involved in developing it, and just know – they have been praying for you and your marriages since day one. We pray this curriculum will be a tool to not only guide marriages to holiness, oneness, and missional engagement but also open new questions and discussions in your community group. But to emphasize, it's a tool, and it's not going to solve every problem you might be encountering in your relationship; only a deep relationship with Jesus can solve that. But being authentic with yourself, your spouse, and your community group, we have full faith God is going to work in your lives.
