I Can’t, But He Can

Hey everyone, my name is Ronnie Johnson, and I've been married to my beautiful wife, Dannie, for eight years. We have two girlies, an almost 7-year-old and an almost 5-year-old. I'm originally from New Mexico but have been a Texan for over 10 years now.

I was raised in a typical Christian home with an older sister and two loving parents who taught me the importance of serving God and doing what was right. We attended church most Sundays, prayed before meals, and were at church pretty much whenever it was open. At the age of 7, I gave my heart to Jesus at a Psalty the Bible event. While I don't think I could fully understand grace at the time, I believe I knew that Jesus was the only path to salvation and that I needed Him in my life. My home was a textbook Christian home, and from what anyone could tell, it was great.

It was in Middle school that I had my first exposure to lots of things, like kids who did drugs, cussing, and what girls were all about. By the 7th grade, I had kissed two different girls in two different closets, and I was quickly becoming more aware of the opposite sex. But It wasn't until high school that I found my way to pornography and moved into more inappropriate relationships with girls that would last through college. Don't forget, this was all while being the good "Christian boy" at church and home.

After graduating From college, I decided I would pack up my things and move to Dallas to start my new life. I started attending Watermark and learning more about what a fully surrendered life to the Lord really looked like. Despite the things God was showing me about Himself, I still wasn't ready to let go of one of my most destructive addictions: my pornography addiction. One night, after stumbling around the dark parts of the internet, I found myself on a site that presented me with the option to pay a woman to come to my house. It was something I could never have imagined doing. But I did. Once again, I thought my way was better than God's and that if He wasn't going to take care of me when it came to love, I would take care of it myself.

It was the darkest, lowest point of my life. Shortly after this event I started attending re:gen and living authentically with others. It was in re:gen that I came to understand the full depth of Christ's love and grace for me, for the first time in my life.

The Lord used my wife, Dannie to show me what it meant to be loved in a healthy, God-honoring way. I didn't need to hide my sin or pay for her love and through the process, was able to fully confess everything to her.

Fast forward eight years to today, and I can tell you I'm anything but fixed. The Lord has put people in my life that care deeply for me and are willing to walk alongside me when I need them most. In fact, over the last 2 years, the Lord has been walking Dannie and me through some of the hardest trials that we've faced yet, including recognizing where our marriage is deficient and situations involving my dad's prostate cancer prognosis becoming increasingly more serious. My best friend Austin has faithfully pursued me, admonished me, and has seen me at my darkest. With each new challenge, I can feel the Lord revealing himself more to me through his word, his people, and the situations I find myself in. By spending time in my word daily, I can see the gospel come to life through these hardships. I've seen God move again and again and prove himself to be faithful even when I'm not.

If you're hearing this and you think you're too far gone, you've done worse things, and you're too far gone. Let me tell you, you're wrong. It's true for you too. Jesus is better than everything you think you want and you can trust Him. Thanks for letting me share.